Thursday, September 10, 2009

Coaching vs. Therapy

I often come across people who seem to associate coaching with therapy, or who aren’t really clear on the difference between the two. So I thought it might be of value to share the International Coaching Federation’s explanation of the differences between coaching and therapy. Enjoy!

Coaching can be distinguished from therapy in a number of ways. First, coaching is a profession that supports personal and professional growth and development based on individual-initiated change in pursuit of specific actionable outcomes. These outcomes are linked to personal or professional success. Coaching is forward moving and future focused.

Therapy, on the other hand, deals with healing pain, dysfunction and conflict within an individual or a relationship between two or more individuals. The focus is often on resolving difficulties arising from the past which hamper an individual's emotional functioning in the present, improving overall psychological functioning, and dealing with present life and work circumstances in more emotionally healthy ways.

Therapy outcomes often include improved emotional/feeling states. While positive feelings/emotions may be a natural outcome of coaching, the primary focus is on creating actionable strategies for achieving specific goals in one's work or personal life.

The emphasis in a coaching relationship is on action, accountability and follow through.


Source: Branding and Marketing Subcommittee (Jan Austin, MCC, Val Williams, MCC, Nora Klaver, MCC and Ariane Cherbuliez, PCC) www.coachfederation.org


Friday, July 10, 2009

Perspective

"When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change". -Wayne Dyer

What are you settling for in life?

What are you getting out of that?

Often people hold the view that what’s going on in their life, or in other words their circumstances, dictate how life goes for them. I’d like to pose another way to look at it. Your perspective about your situation actually creates your experience of life.

Everyone has a different perspective, each one valid and valuable. Consider how life would be different if you truly allowed new perspectives to inform your experience of life, giving you the gift of seeing something new for yourself.

You may not be able to immediately change your circumstances, yet you CAN change how you relate to them, and in turn they tend to change. Every “problem”, every breakdown, has a huge opportunity for growth nestled within it.

I challenge you to look at things in your life from a different perspective this week. Put yourself in other people’s shoes and consider how they might view the same situation. What new possibilities do you see?

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Presence

Truly being in the moment can be difficult for most. It requires us to let go of the story we hold on to about the past as well as our obsession with predicting or planning the future, to just
BE where we are now.

However, I’d pose to you that being in the moment is actually the most empowering place to live. Most of the time, when you’re in a bad mood or some difficult circumstances have arisen, it’s not the moment itself that weighs on you, rather it’s the thoughts about what happened to create the bad mood, or what the circumstances mean to your future and how it’s going to be, that have you concerned.

The present moment allows for flexibility and gives you the opportunity to empower a change or shift.

Consider that the past and future don’t exist – they are only in your mind and there is only now. So how will you be right now?

Friday, June 5, 2009

Interdependence

Many people live by the mantra of wanting to be independent. According to Stephen Covey, the most powerful way to develop is to move from dependence, to independence, and finally to INTERdependence. You are not alone in this world of millions so why keep insisting that you have to do everything entirely by yourself?

People who are dependent rely on others to give them what they want. They put the focus outside of themselves to what others are doing or not doing. This way of operating in the world robs you of your ability to declare how life will go for you and actually take action on fulfilling into that declaration.

Independence on the other hand requires you to get really responsible for how your life goes and proactive in your actions, prioritizing and operating from your future vision of life. If you find yourself constantly playing the blame game, consider, what are you really getting out of that? Is the payoff worth the consequences?

Next, create interdependence by working with the people in your life in a way that instills trust and partnership. Really listen to what they have to say, contribute your own input, and work together to find new solutions that meet both your values.

Who made up the notion that self-reliance was better than strengthening connections to others by enlisting support? In a world of 6 billion people, who gave you the idea that you were meant to do it alone?

Friday, May 15, 2009

Commitment

“Concerning all acts of initiative, there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance which no man could have dreamed would come his way. Whatever you can do or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now.” – Johann Wolfgang von Goeth

Some of you may have heard this goldmine of wisdom before. How many of you have truly taken it to heart?

One thing of which I have no shred of doubt in my mind is that when you really, truly and completely commit yourself to something it is inevitable that you will produce results you would have never imagined. This is not to say that the road may not be bumpy or have boulders that need to be removed along the way, but within a true commitment, we continue along the road until we reach our destination.

So what are you really afraid of that has you not commit to creating the things you say you really want in life? What do you value more: protecting yourself in some way or your dream life?

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Transforming Fear with Love

“Darkness is merely the absence of light, and fear is merely the absence of love. We can’t get rid of darkness by hitting it with a baseball hat, because there is nothing to hit. If we want to be rid of darkness, we must turn on a light. Similarly, if we want to be rid of fear, we cannot fight it but must replace it with love.” – Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love

Our fears often feel like the truth. Like everything that could go wrong will or that we’ll never be able to make something we want happen. It’s just “our nature” or “our luck” or “how it is”. Not a very loving way to think, is it? In reality, fears are just stories that we made up about life at some point to protect us from getting hurt.

What would it look like if you actually had compassion for that part of you that is terrified or maybe even paralyzed from changing or moving into unknown territory? Are you willing to take that on?

If every single person truly looked at their lives and took on the task of noticing where they’re coming from in the moment, fear or love, and began to choose love more and more often, we would be able to end wars, end world hunger, end the economic crisis and heal our environment. People aren’t inherently bad, they’re afraid. Imagine what real love would do for them?

The next time you recognize that your fears are holding you back, turn on a light. Ask yourself, “what would love do now?”

Friday, April 24, 2009

Love

Love is such an amazing phenomenon. You see it all the time, in a mother cheering on her child at an event, a couple enjoying one another’s company over a romantic dinner, or even just a kind gesture from a stranger like giving food to someone who’s hungry or showing concern when someone gets hurt.

Considering how warm and expansive it feels when you give love unconditionally, it’s almost unbelievable how stingy we are with it. Often you become so consumed by the fear of not having enough for yourself that you refrain from giving it to anyone, INCLUDING yourself and/or blaming one another for the faults in your relationship, always looking for the leverage to ‘be right’.

So OF COURSE you feel like you don’t have enough of it – you aren’t operating from love or giving it away. How can you possibly feel that you have something you constantly deny the universe?

True generosity, to others as well as to yourself, lies in giving love away as if you had a never-ending supply of it, because you do. Love is beyond abundant, it’s eternal.

Life can be transformed through things like compassion, understanding and kindness. So when you're feeling like you don't have enough love in your life, GIVE it to others and notice the wealth of it that runs through you. Touch your own heart by touching someone elses.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is an act of kindness, not just to another person, but to yourself. Being courageous enough to release the anger that stems from whatever fears you are holding on to is no small task. It requires a generosity of heart and soul that people don’t always feel they have access to. Yet the love within you truly is unlimited and expansive. That love is who you really are; and our universal purpose is to share that with the world.

Even those you think of as cruel or evil, are actually operating out of whatever very strong fear they are attached to. Similarly, we each struggle with our own fears each and every day. If you look at the vast array of people in the world, plenty of which you may disagree with or disapprove of, you actually have the opportunity to recognize a oneness that exists within us all. Every single person on this planet is united in our desire for love and acceptance as we are.

Now imagine the incredible healing power of forgiveness when you consider that all anyone really wants, at the core of who they are, is to love and be loved. Whether or not you continue communicating with that person or considering that event that you were holding something against, to hold a grudge in your heart actually creates YOUR experience as one of pain and anger. It actually affects who YOU are being and what YOU are capable of from that standpoint.

Therefore, it would stand to reason that if you ask for forgiveness from those you feel you have harmed and allow forgiveness for those you feel have harmed you, including yourself, you are actually freeing up all that wonderful energy that was previously spent on resentment and frustration.

So in service of your best self, who you really are, take on forgiving at least one person this week. But start with forgiving yourself.

**If you’re having trouble getting to this place of forgiveness, get in touch with me and I’d be happy to provide you with some further assistance in getting complete with the situation first.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Never Too Late

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do.” ~Mark Twain

That’s one of my favorite quotes. It’s what I believe they really mean when they say ‘carpe diem’; seize the day. Every day, in every moment, you have the chance to do that thing you’ve always wanted to do, to create that life you’ve always wanted to live. It doesn’t matter what point you’re at in life or what you’ve endured along the way. You are a naturally creative and resourceful being with the power to alter your own personal universe just because you say so.

Age, gender, race, sexuality, religion – none of these are truly deciding factors as to whether or not you can do or achieve something, they are only used as excuses and protestations for why something isn’t possible for you. (Look at Barack Obama – how many people thought we would ever have a black president?) In reality, you can do absolutely anything. Even if it were just something you were curious about – like what it would be like to live in another country? Or if that person you loved so long ago is still available or still thinks about you? Or if after all the time you’ve spent in your field, if you could really change careers NOW and actually do what you’re passionate about?

Part of the wonder of life is that we GET to be curious and subsequently explore and discover! True, it may not turn out the way you hope it to when you play it out in your mind – but it least it will turn out. Regrets are completely arbitrary when you can truly say that you do and have lived life fully.

So plan that trip, re-unite with that person, start interviewing, take whatever chance it is that you’re avoiding – do whatever it is that you think you can’t. In telling you what you can and can’t do, no one’s voice will ever be as strong as your own.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Change

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world" -- Mohandas Gandhi

The universe is vast and your opportunities in it are unlimited.

So often I hear people talk about the change they want to see so fervently yet refuse to be the catalyst that embodies it.

If not you, who? If not now, when?

Change, as President Obama has so eloquently put, “will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.”

This boldly speaks not just to our country or our world today, but also to your own unique life. The more you keep waiting for things to get better, to have more time, more money, more love – the more you are going to spend your life waiting. If you really get responsible for how your life is going right now, you actually regain the opportunity to have it go differently. You reclaim the power to create all those things you’re seeking.

Practice being “the one” everywhere, all the time.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Trust

What's your current relationship to trust? Really take a look for a minute. How does the concept of trust show up for you in life? Do you rarely give it? Only give it conditionally? Feel that it's always betrayed when given?

If your response was in any way similar to the examples, you are not alone.

Most people are so terrified of getting hurt that they spend their lives never fully opening up to anyone yet baffled as to why they feel so deeply alone in the world.

Now imagine what the world might look like if people were truly authentic and vulnerable with one another. Just consider the possibilities of a world where people actually connected with one another on a very real, very heartfelt level.

Creating that world starts with you.

So I'm going to present a new possibility. One that redefines the way you relate to trust. Practice giving trust as a gift. A wonderful present that you generously and lovingly give to all those who touch your life. Notice what it creates.

It doesn't really matter so much what they do with it; they may give it back, they may put it away and not look at it for years, or they may open it and allow it to permeate their life. No matter what, you get to say if YOUR life is filled with love and connection or guardedness and fear. What do you choose?

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Blame

Anything someone, something, or some society or culture says or does "to" you, has nothing to do with you. It is their stuff, not yours. Even if someone says something cruel to you, again, it truly has nothing to do with you. It just speaks to the particular way they view the world. It is marred by the interpretations they have made about how life goes for them. It does not define your worth or value. So quit taking it so personally!

If you're blaming anyone for anything, you're giving up your power to be responsible for your life. You're giving up your rightful place as the creator of your life experience to be a player in someone else’s game and play victim to their rule.

Reclaim your life and your power. You are by nature a strong, courageous being with the capacity to empower nations and instigate world change. Start living your life as the miraculous leader you truly are.

Nightly, reflect on each time you reacted negatively in the day. For each instance, think of something empowering you could have done instead. Then the following day, practice implementing your new created responses.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

The Moment of Truth

You know those moments when the world seems to stop and wait for your reaction? You get knocked off your feet on the street, someone spills red wine all down the back of your beautiful white jacket, someone cuts you off on the highway, someone knocks into your table and your food ends up in your lap, you get into a fight with your significant other because the inconsiderate (fill in the blank) did (fill in the blank) (didn’t help with the dishes, left the seat up, took an hour to get ready, teased you about your new haircut, got home late) again…?

When you take a moment to reflect on all the time you spend getting upset or frustrated or irate with people and life it’s incredible, and disturbing, to recognize how much time and energy of your life is spent reacting to what life seems to throw at you.

Life is too short and far too precious to be spent in a whirlwind of irritation, anger and fear.

The trick to changing your reaction from disaster to ease? Awareness.

First, notice if you’re taking it personally. You don’t truly know what’s going on for the other person (or what the situation is) and whatever happened was not a personal vendetta or attack against you. The world is not against you.

Next, consider, how much does this incident really mean in the grand scheme of things? That moment is officially the past and you can’t do anything to change that it happened – so how do you want your present to be?

Then choose.

Those reactions are costing you your life. Do you want your days to be exhausted and trying or fulfilling and joyful? You get to say.

Monday, February 9, 2009

Your Dream Life

Do you ever daydream about what your life would look like if it were perfect?

For that brief moment, you have this glorious glimpse into another world, one where anything is possible; where dreams and reality are one in the same and life is an experience of love, joy and satisfaction.

Then something happens to bring you back to the present moment and it’s as if all of the sudden someone slammed the door shut on that vision and sent you running back under the covers of your bed where it was safe and comfortable.

Let me tell you something, life is not happening under the covers! What feels safe, comfortable and familiar will not get you the life of your dreams!

So rather than relinquishing all control and declaring your life to be bound by your circumstances, consider for a moment - what are you really afraid of that’s preventing you from having this life?

Make a list of all areas where you’re holding back, avoiding, or stopping in life. For each area, ask yourself, am I coming from love or am I coming from fear? If fear, distinguish exactly what the fear is about. What are you sacrificing to maintain that? What actions can you create from a place of love that have you live your dream life now? Take those actions on regularly.

The future is just a thought - life happens now. Start living it by design.

Monday, February 2, 2009

Choice


Only you can manifest the things you want in life because it is action that creates results. You are the only one who can take that action. Yet that’s not enough. Underneath all that action, the doing, is the foundation of who you are being. This is where magical things can happen. Shifting the way you approach people, situations, the world, is the real key to fulfillment. Getting clear on where you’re coming from, the lens through which you see the world, and how you get in your own way gives you access to choosing something else. In distinguishing this paradigm, you receive the gift of opportunity to create choices and actions from an empowered place in line with the vision you hold for your life.


Believe it or not you really do have a choice – you can either continue operating from the disempowering pattern that’s not getting you what you want, or you can choose something new, something outside your comfort zone that resides in the realm of possibility, something that liberates you from limitation and moves you forward. You have the incredible ability to create your life rather than react to it.

What’s possible for you is simply what you say is possible. So what will you create and who will you BE in creating it?

You can make a choice that empowers you, make a choice that disempowers you, or make no choice, which is always a choice, and an automatically disempowering one at that.

What will you choose this week?